It's not funny Dave, Period
by NoodleFan101
Summary: What happens when Mindy McCready get her Period for the first time and can only call Dave for help? AN AWKWARD SITUATION! Read on to find out what happens on their Adventure :D ONESHOT. A little but of MindyxDave if you're looking in the right places ;) [NOTE] Mindy is 14 here... She is a very late bloomer! xD ENJOY!w


**Heeeey guys! This is my first Kick-Ass fanfic... It's only going to be a Oneshot just for fun :3**

**Ennnjjjjoooyyy!**

**(Just so you know, Mindy is 14 here... I decided she was a late bloomer xD)**

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**It's not funny Dave, Period.**

****_Dave Lizewski had found himself in most possibly the most awkward and most uncomfortable situation with his friend and Crime-Fighting partner, Mindy McCready._

_How did he end up in this situation? Let's start from the beginning..._

[Saturday at 10:32am at Mindy's home]

"SHIT." Mindy whispered to herself.

Mindy had just woken up as normal to find a blood stain on her bed sheets and another on her brand new pajama pants.

"What the fuck do I do? Why me?" Mindy moaned to herself.

It was usual for her to find blood stains on her clothes because of all the crime-fighting, but she knew this was different, Mindy knew that she had just started her Period for the first time and she had NO idea what to do, or who to call.

'_Call Dave.._.' she thought to herself... she wasn't about to talk to Marcus about this kind of thing.

Mindy grabbed her cell phone and dialed Dave's number.

'_Get the fuck up Dave' _She though as the dialing tone played.

"M-Mindy... What's up? I'm kinda sleeping right now." Dave answered sleepily.

"Yeah well you better get your ass up right now, It's urgent... Meet me at Walmart in around 15 minutes and I'll explain."

"Okay, I'll be there in 10"

"Great" Mindy said as she out her mobile back down on the desk.

Mindy quickly got dressed and ate some breakfast, Marcus will still asleep so Mindy just left a note saying that she had gone to the mall for a bit and that she would be back soon. Once she walked own to Walmart Dave was already there, stood outside waiting for her.

"I told you I would be here in 10" Dave teased.

"Yeah well I didn't say I would" Mindy commented. "Let's just get this over and done with, In and out"

"Mindy, you still haven't told me why we are here, care to explain?"

Mindy stood there in silence for a second not sure how to put it to Dave.

"Well, you know when girls grow up.. and the-" Mindy stopped herself. '_For fuck sake Mindy, he's not a five year old kid.' _she though to herself, Mindy took a deep breath and relaxed. "I got my fucking Period okay? I'm bleeding out my snatch... You get it? I need you to help me get some Tampons."

Dave stood there for a second in shock, what started as a snicker had just worked up into a full blown laughter. Mindy pinned Dave up on to the wall by his collar.

"What's so funny Dave? You wanna tell me?" Mindy said quietly in a bitchy tone.

Dave had suddenly stopped laughing "Nothing Mindy, It's just that you're not really a _Girl..." _Dave mentioned carefully.

"W-what do you mean I'm not a girl? I'm a girl... I have boobs and the whole lot!"

"Well, you are a girl but you are not Girly! You're Mindy McCready, you beat up 2 boys with your bare hands on the first day of school!" Dave laughed. "I'm not being offensive it's just weird coming from you I suppose"

Mindy let go of Dave's collar "Let's just get this done" Mindy sighed.

"Just one last thing, why did you call me? I'm a guy... I don't know what I'm doing! Couldn't you have called one of your Girl friends?" Dave questioned.

"Oh yeah, because I have so many friends that are girls don't I fucktard?"

"Woah... No need to PMS" Dave teased.

"Do you wanna die today?" Mindy snapped holding her fist up.

"No, not really..." Dave backed off, trying to calm Mindy.

"Let's go then"

Mindy and Dave walked into Walmart looking for the Tampons and Sanitary towels.

"Where the fuck do we even find these things?"

"As if I know? I don't usually come here looking for Tampons!" Dave joked.

"Wait... You're not a girl?" Mindy teased.

"Haha, you're so funny!" Dave said sarcastically.

Dave and Mindy walked round the shop looking for the right place until they saw a sign saying 'Women's Health'. Mindy and Dave walked down the shopping isle and found what they were looking for.

"Okay, so you just gotta grab o- WHY ARE THERE SOME MANY DIFFERENT ONES?!" Dave stressed.

"And this is why I brought you along... I have no idea what I'm looking for"

"Mindy, I don't know either! Why would they make some many different kinds... In the end they go down the toilet right?"

"I don't know! Let's just find some okay?"

*Dave picks up a pack of super absorbent tampons* "These look okay? lets go now" Dave rushed.

"Dave, there is no way they are going to fit... I don't wanna end up looking like I've had a baby!"

"WOAH MINDY... NOT an Image I needed" Dave shook of the mental image he had.

"Yeah well, I'm just making a point!"

At this point Mindy had just seen Brooke and the rest of her friends at the end of the isle. Brooke was the most popular girl in school and was determined to make Mindy's life a misery.

"Oh great, here comes Miss I'mABigFuckingWhore" Mindy whispered to Dave.

"Hey there Mindy! What are you doing here? OH! Did little Mindy get her first period? someone's a late bloomer! Don't worry Mindy, soon you'll have a pair of these!" Brooke said motioning towards her breasts.

"Wow, I didn't think Walmart let dogs in here?" Mindy hissed at Brooke.

Brooke sneered and Mindy "You think you're so clever in front of _Boyfriend, _but you're just a giant bitch and everyone hates you! See ya later Mindy" Brooke walked off laughing with her friends.

"Ignore them Mindy, they're just trying to upset you!"

"I know Dave, I just wanna get out of here!" Mindy stressed.

Mindy looked at all the different kinds of Tampons in front of her "Light flow Tampons: For starters" Mindy read from the box. "Hey Dave! This should be okay!"

"Finally! Let's go pay." Dave cheered.

"Yeaaahhh... i forgot my money" Mindy mentioned.

Dave sighed "Good thing i brought some then! You owe me."

"Yeah, you're not getting that money back" Mindy laughed.

[Walking to Mindy's house]

"So Mindy... You do realize that if you... You know... do it... You're gunna get pregnant" Dave joked.

"So i can still suck off that guy next door every week?" Mindy said seriously.

"Er..." Dave stopped for a minute.

"Ahaha! I'm just fucking with you!"

"Mindy, don't scare me like that!" Dave felt relieved.

"Yeah, They don't treat me like a 6 year old!

[Outside Mindy's house]

"Well see you Mindy!"

"Bye Dave" Mindy said as she hugged him. "Thanks for helping me" She said as she smiled.

"No problem, anytime!"

Mindy walked up to her front door when Dave shouted.

"WAIT!"

"What now Dave?" Mindy Sighed.

"Remember to keep it plugged up" Dave said whilst laughing.

"Shut up you fucking idiot!" She said laughing and walking into her house.

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**Thanks for reading! :3 I hope you enjoyed it!**

**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW AND FAVOURITE :D **

**Tell me if you want more Kick-Ass fanfics :D**


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